Tim Butler

Counselor, Life Coach & Speaker

Filtering by Tag: change

Why Invest in a Life Coach?

Maybe by process of elimination I can help you answer that question:

  • I do not suggest a Life Coach if you have all the answers to life’s complexities 
  • I do not suggest a Life Coach is you want to stay exactly where you are now, financially, emotionally, vocationally, spiritually, physically, and relationally
  • Definitely do not hire one if you hate looking at yourself in a metaphorical mirror

OK. So you get my point. 

Life Coaching is not for everyone. However, it can be a game changer for those who present with the following characteristics:

  • You love gaining new insight in your life
  • You are going through transition and need an objective professional opinion
  • You need someone to hold you accountable to the plans you make
  • You are a procrastinator and are slow to make any plans
  • You need inspiration and motivation
  • You want to know why you’re consistently making the same self-defeating mistakes 
  • You listen to your emotions more than the realities in your life, and you hate that about yourself

Now I could go on, but clearly there is a lot of room in most people’s lives for personal improvement.  Life Coaching will not solve all your problems. Actually, it really won’t solve any problems, but, it will give you the space, direction, and encouragement that you need to analyze and improve your life. 

By definition, Life Coaching sheds light on your current trajectory and habits and provides you with objective insight that can help you remove roadblocks. It will show you where you are now, and where you need to go. 

Life Coaching will help you establish your own priorities and an action plan(s) that you can—and will—put in place. I say “will” because the very fact that you put forth the time and money to hire a Life Coach says a lot about your readiness. 

A Life Coach helps you stay focused and on target. A good Life Coach should only want the best for you that you can create, and never attempt to make you a clone of his/her life. 

Life is very personal, but should not be lived in secret. 

Open yourself up to the objectivity of a trained opinion and see if you can move forward in ways you may have not thought of previously. Or, jump on the opinion-train that claims that Life Coaching is a waste of money and is only good for letting someone else tell you what to do.  Who needs that?

Your call. If you make it.

Resiliency (Part 1)

From my window of the world in the mental health profession, I get to listen to many folks on a very personal level. This degree of intimacy allows me the opportunity to witness the inner strength that others may simply pass by unaware. I stand continually amazed at the strength and internal fortitude exhibited by folks in downright disparaging situation. John Locke was reported to have said that internal “fortitude is the guard, and support, of the other virtues.”

I am also been privy to the inner struggles of folks who have seemingly no coping strategies for dealing with stressors of any magnitude. What is the difference? What makes one person reach down and drink from that well-spring of inner strength, while another, in a very similar situation, finds the ability to move on analogous to walking knee-deep in Jell-O.

It does seem the difference may be found in the individuals’ cumulative resiliency factors. Resiliency, the ability to adapt well to stress, adversity, trauma or tragedy, is enhanced when there are cumulative protective factors. Good habits.

A healthy level of resiliency is not reserved for the wealthy, or highly intelligent. No, in fact, it becomes effective, just as soon as you do. If you are older than 9, I am sure you have heard the well-worn quote of German philosopher Nietzsche; “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” It would not be worth repeating if it were not so true. The key lies in asking yourself in what areas are you becoming stronger, more resilient? Let me suggest three for now; in the next blog I will add additional ones. A long list of suggestions is worthless if you do not apply what you find relevant to your life. So, consider…

1. Accept what you cannot change.  This expression is often coupled with the prayer to receive from the God the strength to change the things we can. Alcoholic Anonymous has used this well. So many things in life are not able to be altered by us (weather, death, some sicknesses, others changing their mind that negatively affects us, the state of the economy, etc.) We find it hard, at times, to accept the things that are being presented to us. We may not want them; we may feel it is not fair; it may go against our principals; in theory this unwanted “thing” should not work this way; and the list goes on. Whatever the reason, the outcome may still be the same…it is not going away anytime soon. The ability to release my grip and literally, or figuratively, walk away is foundational to strengthening my resiliency factors. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

2. Set new goals. Once you can see clearly to accepting what you are not able to change, you then need new goals. Not necessarily life changing goals; baby steps are appropriate. If we do not set our minds on a new direction, we will simply be holding our breath, as it were, and waiting for the preferred way to reappear. That is not resiliency. That is stubbornly doing the wrong thing. I love working with stubborn people, once they have decided to use that strength in the right direction. What is the new direction in which you now need to walk? What would be small, attainable goals in that direction?

3. Take the necessary action. We can take a page from the Nike playbook: Just do it. There is so much empowerment in that statement. Good intentions are not sufficient. Food will not make its way into my stomach without the action of eating. Action keeps us from getting hopelessly stuck in the quagmire of life disappointments. Do something different, once you have determined what that one thing would be. Even if it ends up different than you planned, action still takes precedent over lethargy or apathy.